backwards reasoning

sometimes i resent the people i care about,
because they make me care so much
about my life, and caring so much about
my life sometimes causes me a lot of
pain and suffering. then i feel bad for
resenting them because i 'know' that
those people are what i really have going
for me. but sometimes i dont want to go.
i want to stop. but then i feel like im
letting everyone i care about down and
causing them to feel pain and suffering
which i dont want to do. sometimes i wish
i didnt have anyone to care about because
then i could just go with the flow of my own
personal existence in whichever way it might
take me and i wouldnt have to worry if
that way would upset anyone that
i care about.