What I've Come to Realize so far

I WAS HERE AND NOW YOU ARE HERE,
    WELCOME TO HERE AND NOW

We are mortal manifestations of eternal essences.

Light cannot be seen if one hasn’t developed the eyes to see it.

I’m staring at this page and “hearing” these words in my head.

There are many languages other than those that are only spoken/written. There is language in the way. Language in a process, language in a result, language in action.

Language is based upon meanings assigned to certain symbols.

I plead that you allow this its own time and place…do not hold it to any standards above and beyond the specific circumstances in which you encounter it.

Let the experience flow through you as the thoughts I present to you flow in and out of your mind.

This was made with the possibility of you in mind.

your experience is what you make of it, what you already have that you bring to it.

it is not the job of other people to conform to my ways of thinking…it is my job to take opportunities when people are open to listening and use those times to persuade and convince them of my idea, thought, etc. of their own free will.

I cant do everything myself, and I’m not the only person living on this planet.

Do not take anything at face value…better than trying to figure out what I mean by writing this, try and figure out what you mean by reading this.

These might be my words, but what’s going on in your head, and your experience with these words, your thoughts are your own and I cannot do anything more than present the information to you.

You’re the one who has to go to bed with yourself every night and wake up to yourself every morning.

You have to teach them how to read it

Everything is doing its own thing, while at the same time, being completely dependant on the surrounding circumstances.

I can work on my environment at the same time that it works on me. Thus I am inextricably linked with the universe forever, and always have been, in one form or another.

the tough part is becoming conscious of the way we were made from an ‘objective’ standpoint, and then taking responsibility for ourselves and our actions as our own independently functioning entity, and recognizing everything else as such as well.

If we say what we mean and do what we mean to, and mean what we say and do from a conscious responsible standpoint, everything else falls into place.

-Relationship with myself

-Relationship with my environment.

Theory of Realitivity

The multivalent layers of meaning that anything may possess at any given time, and the realization that they are all completely ‘real’ and valid simultaneously.

I am conscious that I could have theoretically experienced that same thing in any other number of ways

Both their perspective and my own perspective are equally valid and true at the same time.

the universe acts, I react; I act, the universe reacts.

‘taste’ is never ‘wrong’ because taste is a totally personal experience…so is the journey of life.

The way life tastes to me, can never be wrong.

You matter because no one else is doing what you’re doing in your way.

this feedback loop that our relationship to one another creates is that transcendent function. Through our relation we transcend our circumstances and ‘create a world’ unto ourselves.

A manifestation of the combination of our hearts and minds.

There are the stars, and those who can may read them.

What I have to say to myself may or may not be any of your concern.

If I spoke the ‘truth’ of anything other than myself, I would be false.

If you are not me, which you are, but I am not, than you can never really ‘know’ what I mean. ..find your own meanings

Am I speaking to myself right now?

Or am I speaking to you right now?

Or are you speaking to yourself right now?

Listen

Know then that it is true what I say that one day I will become the manifestation of that which I already am.

I choose there.fore I am

Focus is the key to a great deal of ‘progress’.

We focus on what we pay attention to, we pay attention to what concerns us, and what we concern ourselves with makes up a great deal of our lives, which makes the choice of what we concern ourselves with very important…it is our only means of taking any direction in our own lives.

To choose what you concern yourself with is to choose the general direction of your own development.

I’m doing what I feel I need to be doing, why else would I be doing it?

everyone of us are more capable than most would even allow themselves to imagine.

One only experience oneself

While I am still inhabiting this physical body, I must deal with the circumstances that surround the facts of my existence.

What does change in the physical world’s context have to do with change in the widest consciousness context? (mirror image?)

I believe every moment is already the ultimate ‘goal’ fulfilled, so where does that leave me?

Just to live, and appreciate it!

Make my life whatever I want it to be and ill get out of it only as much as I put into it. the purpose of change is my own.

‘Reason’ leaves us with the questions: why? or why not? Only way to choose is by way of faith.

Geography is Destiny

Place is one of the two determining factors which determine everything; the other is time, time and place. however, opposed to time, we actually posses some control over our geographical location.

the things, people, places and ideas people make references to in day to day conversation seem to try and perpetuate themselves in that environment.

Places influence experience, experience influences thought, thought influences action, action influences reaction.

EVERYTHING plays a factor.

did you grow up in a country that values happiness and freedom, or money and power?

(don’t all the missing details just make you wonder? Wouldn’t it make a big difference if you knew more details? Would it not make much of  a difference at all?

Seeing her personal excitement at getting this bike she had kinda wanted for a while, naturally, made me want one too.

I believe the reasons do exist. Ones I can think of, and probably more importantly ones I couldn’t necessarily have been aware of.

Here is life, and those who will may know it.

There are some really hard realities to face. Realities that most likely aren’t going to wait around for me to be ready for them. their pretty much here at my doorstep.

Ego tells me that I am important, that I matter, that I make a difference. That I have a job to do that no one else can do.

If I did not have an ‘ego’ and this did not have an ‘I’, did not have a ‘me’  did not have a myself opposed to anyone or anything else, than why would I go on putting in effort to keep this body of mine living?

even though I know I am inextricably linked with this universe forever and always have been in one form or another, my ego tells me that this specific form that I am in right now is important to preserve as long as humanly possible.  My ego sets things up…to have a great amount of meaning for me…it gives me reasons to want to stay here.

Make fantasy blend with reality

Experience the world on many many more levels than just the me myself and I here and now level.

I can experience moments of bliss anytime I wish. I do this by willing myself to change my own system of values and meanings. I sort of change the language with which I communicate with the world around me. I change what certain concepts and ideas mean to me with the power of my imagination.

When this is done sober, and sustained with the power of will, to view certain things that previously were seen negatively as positive, it can change your whole life.

Find the good in the bad and make the best out of what you’re given.

…but on a whole other level , where I’ve changed the value of what these circumstances mean to me, I can actually view these circumstances as one of the luckiest things that’s ever happened to me. It’s a total chance to take time to do the things ive always wanted to do.

a man who has lost everything, has everything to gain.

You may never know this feeling because youre not allowing yourself the chance, the opportunity, the possibility. Because your heart is closed off to the amazingness and grand scheme of the universe. Because your ego is telling you this is not something that will help you survive in the here and now. but the good that feeling this way doesn’t necessarily do to help my body go on living, it MORE than makes up for helping my soul/will to go on living strong.

The moments of bliss come when everything ‘real’ is simultaneously everything that is ‘unreal’

metaphors can be a pretty powerful tool when used properly.

I don’t like dealing with mundane things because it takes away form thinking time, because I feel that when I do get enough time to actually stop and think about things, I never have anything to truly complain about and I always end up accepting things just as they are and appreciating them that way too. And I do wish I could always be content and not feel suffering.

Fear, shame, guilt, lies, illusions, and attachments.

Enlightenment is something you reach temporarily

At least while you are living in your human body and having to deal with the mundane facts of existence. ….(?)

Also try to remember what it really ‘felt’ like to be young. That intensity of feeling, the giving of yourself Fully!

Thoughts building upon thoughts.

Thoughts reformulating other thoughts.

Thoughts connecting to other thoughts and adding up to something more than they were separately.

I want to work directly for the things that support my life system…not pay people and machines to do the things I need to do to stay alive and live. I feel like that steals credit away form me. Life credit.

Think and feel and live and breathe and stretch and move and see and do.

and figuring thoughts like that to myself, and other thoughts I come up with really prove themselves to be useful because having those thoughts- changes the intention and reasons I have behind the actions I take.

And I hope that by figuring out how to better my own life for myself, ill be able to help other people some way to be able to better their own lives for themselves.

The weight of the past gets heavier everyday

Thoughts that weigh on your mind…should definitely be paid attention to.

Im a very sensitive person.

how can I believe in the world I see with my eyes when I know the feeling of eternity with my eyes closed?

He keeps a journal where he copies down certain quotes and where he writes certain ideas that pop into his head. These are the seeds which are most important to him and to the book. The quotes and ideas which alter his course in an important way.

It’s difficult to just keep on keeping on, especially when you have little sight for the direction that things are heading.

Thoughts take time to come out, they need to be worded, translated into something coherent.

Like there, at the point of the period. There is a moment. a moment for the decision of what is to come next.

Experience, feeling, interpreted by thought, translated into words and language, put out into the universe to be their own entity and for others to form a relationship with or not.

Principals as guiding factor.

Im frustrated because I know whats going on but just knowing doesn’t change anything.

Im so thirsty for life, for knowledge of truth and the progression of experience.

I am a part of the universe, I am not the universe, so all I have to hold onto and work in the name of is my part of it.

I also struggle a lot with wanting to be alone, and doing my own thing and pursuing my own goals and the feeling that I should also be giving more energy to my relationships with people in general…oh…I don’t know…maybe I just need to lighten up!?!

I need freedom within limits. I need to define those limits for myself.

the manifestation of the honest and meaningful

Creations relate us to eachother. To help eachother keep going…humans are social. We FEED off of eachother.

This is something I really ‘felt’ when I was writing it.

Imagined pain is just as real as pain that’s actually there.

The hard part though is conveying in 1000% clarity the DEPTH OF MEANING im trying also to convey with my words; the FULLNESS OF SCOPE of the concepts im talking about.

…but I guess those are all subjective things I suppose and are left completely up to the person(s) who are witnessing my expressions and making their own associations and meanings to what im saying.

I love reading my old shit too because I like how it can just bring me right back to that state of mind that I was in.

Whether im a fucking ‘writer’ with a capitol ‘w’ or not, im still – ‘a person who writes’.

At that moment it occurred to me, that things which I previously thought were extraordinary, and must happen in extraordinary ways, much more often than not actually occur in the most normal of circumstances.

in planting this seed I will hold no expectations over it, I will care for it as best as I am able, as best as I will, and whatever may come of it will all be positive. It will be a learning experience

when you’re feeling something, a certain emotion, does it mean you forget (even if just temporarily) what it feels like to feel anything else?

If you’re feeling that everything around you in sooo boring and your life is meaningless at a certain time, does that mean you’re negating (even just in the moment) all the times you’ve felt that actually everything is so amazing and everything is love and overall grateful?

When I say ‘you’ can I mean both myself and not myself?

The things that weigh me down are the things that I cant let go of. The more things im carrying around with me, the heavier I am and the less I can move. Both physically and metaphorically speaking. Mentally speaking actually.

Like just ideas of what is or what isn’t good or bad. Ideas about myself and what I should or should not be doing with my time and myself.

it really is a completely different thing to ‘know’ something like that, and to actually LIVE the Knowledge.

take it easy man…take that clarity and peace of mind you get completely free and on your own, and bring it into the present, though you are in a different location in different circumstances (and even in a different mood)… I still have it in me to feel that way. Its still there. The ever-present ultimate moment of freedom.

The world goes on and ‘good’ happens and ‘bad’ happens, but the universe itself is completely indifferent with neither benevolent nor malevolent intentions.

im still a child though. A child of the universe….i think emotions are very childish…im a very sensitive person, very sensitive. In a lot of regards. Not in all.

Soon this is just gonna be: “how did I handle myself in those circumstances?”

The way things have happened will always be the way things have happened, but the way things are right now will never stay the same.

I could think of it as it’s a way for me to extend my reach in this world by sending out a ‘representative’ or a sort of ‘messenger’ for my ‘message’ for being what im all about.

what am I writing for?...to get what’s inside of me out…to zen out for a while and focus enough to make my world very small and easy to manage…to make it only as something I experience in my head and thus take a degree of control over it

I write to get more in touch with myself, more in touch with that completely universal part of me. That eternal part.

“the more personal, the more universal”

not to ‘waste’ another thought as a ‘priority’

the thoughts and thought-paths you allow yourself to have and follow.

the ways in which im unaware im effecting things and people in this time, and how the ripples will move outward into the future from the actions im taking now. (how my actions will act on their own, when they’ve moved beyond myself.)

whenever I put ‘these’ marks up its always because im trying to recognize and draw attention to the multivalent layers of ‘meaning’ “that” word has. And trying to get people to think about “that” word in a many different number of ways.

I honestly feel in my gut these next few years are gonna be HUGE in importance scale for deciding the ‘fate of the world’ and I really just hope to play a somewhat important role in this important time.

The rules are: you cant ever turn around and go back, you always have to move forward.

you can be aware, not necessarily of the existence of everything else outside of the dot of consciousness, but rather just how much more there ‘could’ be.

Meditation as in ‘focused awareness’

Internal dialogue.

Question/statement followed by response.

I value my life’s experience and the way I’ve learned and grown from them. I hope people can appreciate the life I was given and what I chose to do with it.

you have to pretend (to yourself) that everything’s done ‘intentionally’… someone who wants to get the most meaning out of the piece has to believe that it was all done intentionally.

I mean how you have to believe that existence and life is happening intentionally…if you want to get the most meaning out of it all…

I guess the thing that’s really hard then though is finding ‘meaning; in the ‘meaning’ (like, that’s where ‘value’ comes into play)

my mom told me once that I was born with this thing…she called it faith. She told me I had faith. I think that was the moment (when someone else was telling me something about myself) that I realized I am a person who lives with faith in my heart. Faith about what? Faith in who? I don’t know, and it changes a lot. But I do know I feel…in my heart of hearts (that can’t reason everything out), and even when I don’t trust it all the time, that I truly have faith, that ‘this; is happening ‘on purpose’. It’s a good feeling.

Im not ‘claiming’ to ‘know’ anything, all I ‘know’ is how I ‘feel’ because I ‘believe’ it.

“what’s the ‘meaning’ of life,” when in every second we are already in the possession of the wide open available option to take as much meaning out of the present moment as we possibly can and more importantly as we ‘will’?

the present moment is all we have and will ever have and have ever had.

The meaning of life is to live.

To be able to ‘make the most’ out of it all ‘for the better’.

To be thankful for everything and to see that everything ‘good’ and ‘bad’ has been a learning experience leading me up to where I am right now.

To help people answer the question ‘what is the meaning of life’ for themselves.

Principals

-Awareness : because I cant do anything about what im unaware of unconscious of. Awareness of myself and others and my circumstances.

-Intention : honest intention behind my actions, whatever they may be,

-Self discipline in striving for ‘better’ : the ability to dream BIG and freedom of imagination

-Acceptance and Appreciation: of things totally as they are, including forgiveness for others and myself.

-(pro)action, even if that includes taking non-action when it is ‘for the better’.

-Respect: for my environment and circumstances including all people and living things in it using tact and consideration, empathy and understanding.

-Bravery: for living life up to your own standards and no one else’s, a set of priorities.

-Gratefulness for existence, and moments of meditation; a connection with the numinous and a sense of Faith.

-Responsibility: for my share, with humility and pride in all that I do and accomplish.

-Focus: on the present moment.

Treat others as you would like to be treated, because what you do unto others, you do to yourself. …you are leaving the same impression upon your mind and your emotional ‘well-being’.

If you do something wrong you know is wrong, you feel badly about it and about yourself.

If you do something right you know is right you feel good about yourself and what you have done.

Choice is Creation

It’s a hard thing to do though, be easier on yourself when you’ve been pretty tough on yourself for so long… it’s easy to be hard on myself, its hard to be easy on myself.

It is also a really nice feeling if you can feel like you are really living up to standards you have ‘set’ for yourself.

I think that im really alive and living when im really “(in) the moment” when all my focus and awareness is on my present experience of the present. And to really feel the totality of my present experience of the present.

this isn’t really what living is all about, this ‘work’ stuff…so I take a break.

I feel like I contain a lot of ‘opposites’ in myself.

I have to find balance between the opposites!

This is not always going to be here.

But if I just tune my mind into the feelings I do have when I feel motivated and want to get something accomplished, then I kinda actually get a motivated feeling!

Mundane: “of this earthly world rather than a heavenly or spiritual one.”

I wish I could feel clean again.

I haven’t burned out my lust for learning and life. I did not allow school to use up the best of what I have inside me, which is my imagination and the unique perspective I have that I didn’t get form school or from following the rules all the time, but got from listening to myself and following my heart.

how do you measure imagination, honesty, trust, ambition, authenticity…etc? how do you put standards on such things…? how can I show you those things on a resume?

I don’t trust people who act like they never had to struggle in their life in one way or another.

Now, who’s with me?!... anybody?

That everyday can Feel that it’s either bringing you closer or further, in a significant way. Everyday everyhour everyminute becomes important in a way it hadn’t been before.

every SECOND is another CHANCE

to use parts of the past for the betterment of the future is the only hope we have for tomorrow.

The act of preserving the ‘now present’ ‘then past’ is that it takes me out of the true state of ‘being’.

what moments I will really appreciate having a part of with me in the future, or which moments I will appreciate more letting was over me, truly experiencing them IN the moment and allowing it to pass me by being left only with a fading memory of the experience.

Im so happy its still there because I know it could fall off in any random way at any random time and I could lose it and never see it again.

I am so thankful its still there because it could be gone at any moment.

I love things that hold a lot of personal meaning. They’re the best.

Getting lost is along the way

As humans we have the capability and capacity to not only grow and take care of ourselves, but also to help others grow and help others take care of themselves.

…Everything happens in a splash moment, and then that moment ripples out. It reaches out into circumstance. It reaches out into time, everything I do, doesn’t only effect me here and now, it effects everything thereafter. Consequences of the moment, and consequences in the following hour, day, week, month, year, restofmylife, restofforever.

This fact alone makes me want to pay more attention to what the hell it is im doing, or rather, not ‘what’ exactly im doing, but ‘why?’…

Is just to try and show people, anybody, that I am someone who REALLY CARES, that I REALLY THINK, and REALLY FEEL!!!

Im only doing what I feel I need to be doing, and I think you’re only doing what you feel you need to be doing and I think it’s good to try to understand that about other people’s actions that I may not understand, they’re doing it because they feel some need, similar to the same need I feel, to be doing it.

my life is like a plant that I am taking care of. It is a thing living and growing of its own accord. I do not grow for it, it grows because it grows. As a care-tender of it, it shows me it needs watering by wilting, so I water it. when I have tended it properly and so it has enough of what it needs to bloom, I sit back and appreciate what it has given. I enjoy its accomplishment along side it. the universe acts and I react; I act and the universe reacts. Thus is life.

Appreciation is Truth

Just to be mindful

When I feel good, to notice and allow myself to feel as good as frickenpossible…and to be immensely thankful in that moment.

When I feel sad, to really allow myself to feel the depth of that sea of sorrow, because that’s how I feel, and to turn those moments into moments of great lessons and to be thankful for those lessons learned.

happiness has come through my Appreciation for this thing im living called life and E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G it has to offer me.

I guess it just keeps coming and I just have to keep going…

Whenever I remember those times, and really think about them, and how I felt when I was there…I go back there. I am there. And then I realize I don’t need to feel like I miss them so much, because I still have them with me whenever I need them, and that’s a very comforting feeling.

I told myself I was going to go for a walk outside, and I did, I went for a walk outside.

I was gone for about an hour, it felt like three. that’s a good ratio.

If I do what I feel I need to do, and do it honestly and true, maybe the world will end up being a little better of a place for it.

My Utopia

A place where people CARE

And they value HARD WORK

And HONESTY

And DEDICATION

And MEANING and BEAUTY

And enjoy simple fun and simply

BEING TOGETHER

A place where WE DON’T HAVE TO

LEAVE EACHOTHER

And we can STAY TOGETHER

And just BE CHILDREN

And live out OUR FANTASIES

FOR OURSELVES.