December 16, 2010

Project Into You



this is one my favorite videos ive ever made...it means a lot of different things to me, but the thing is just that it means a lot. what it means for what that time of my life meant. it lies very close to my heart.



please watch full screen! let load so youre not interrupted, and make sure the volume's up! feel it!


and please enjoy...<3

December 10, 2010

backwards reasoning

sometimes i resent the people i care about,
because they make me care so much
about my life, and caring so much about
my life sometimes causes me a lot of
pain and suffering. then i feel bad for
resenting them because i 'know' that
those people are what i really have going
for me. but sometimes i dont want to go.
i want to stop. but then i feel like im
letting everyone i care about down and
causing them to feel pain and suffering
which i dont want to do. sometimes i wish
i didnt have anyone to care about because
then i could just go with the flow of my own
personal existence in whichever way it might
take me and i wouldnt have to worry if
that way would upset anyone that
i care about.

December 5, 2010

Forever & For Now


The way things have happened will always be the way things have happened, but the way things are right now will never stay the same.

November 30, 2010

A riddle is a riddle


The importance of being selfish.

I am ruler of my own kingdom, I will rule it to my liking and as I see fit.

A metaphor is a metaphor.

A riddle is a riddle.

Reality is Fantasy is Realitivity

I don’t know how else to put it and frankly im tired of trying for right now. im writing this for myself. Im writing it because it makes me feel good. Im talking to myself right now. what I have to say to myself may or may not be any of your concern. That is up to you. And you have no right to judge, and I have no right to judge. So let us rejoice at meeting a companion! So lovely to meet you, how do you do?! Right now I’m Swell, Thanks for asking!

So now that im talking to myself, what do I want to talk about? Let me think think for a sec… ok but don’t take too long. I want to actually get some significant amount of writing done tonight. Ok fine…take your time. Whatever you say will be more worth it for having been earnestly thought through.

Ok that literally took about 15 seconds. I want to talk about me! What else is there to talk about? If I spoke the ‘truth’ of anything other than myself, I would be false.

Now that I realize I can talk about anything about myself I like, though… I think im already finding there’s not much use in talking about it, really is there? Like a dragon eating its own tail, it doesn’t really ever Go anywhere does it…?

I will mention however that this is the first time I think ever that I really find myself easily speaking in metaphors and not struggling to search for them. interesting…

The only good speaking to myself would do would be to note things that I notice. To note and to report what I perceive to be so. I can note things that I judge the value of to be important, and the value of things I believe to be unimportant. I can note things that appear more fun and entertaining, and those that bore me. I can note what I value to be meaningful, and what I value to be unbeneficial.

If you are me, which you are not, but I am, than you can never really ‘know’ what I mean. The only good any of my own notations will do you is to make your own sense out of them. find your own meanings.

Am I speaking to myself right now?

Or am I speaking to you right now?

Or are you speaking to yourself right now?

November 29, 2010

November 24, 2010

Loss of security


there's something very unique about experiencing life in this way. not just not knowing what tomorrow will bring... but that everyday can feel that it's either bringing you closer or further, in a significant way. without that feeling of security everyday everyhour everyminute becomes important in a way it hadn't been before.

November 23, 2010

the strength to live


life is too precious right now to say i can wait...

November 21, 2010

Sometimes...


Sometimes all I can do in a day is clean my room and feed myself. Sometimes all I can do in a day is go to the bathroom and make a piece of toast. Sometimes all I can do is water my plants and read a book.

There have been and are times in my life where I have very little will power to do almost anything, the simplest things. some of the biggest ‘no-big’ deals I cant even manage. Sometimes it drives me mad when the overhead light is on and not the lamp in the corner. Im a very sensitive person. Besides, lighting is a big deal.

Sometimes these times in my life last longer than I would like them to, and they start to get in my way. People start to mistake my actions for meaning things I don’t mean. Sometimes I start to do things I don’t mean to do, say things I don’t mean to say. Im not sure why.

Sometimes I get very sad and that seems to be the only thing that makes me feel better.
Sometimes I really just don’t have it in me and I cant do anything about it, or at least tell myself I cant. Which I know isn’t good, but I cant help it.

Sometimes I feel like Im doing everything right, and other times I feel like im doing everything wrong. Sometimes I feel like I know exactly what im doing, and other times I feel like I have no idea whats going on.  Sometimes these times happen very close together, if not at the same time.

Sometimes I can go on forever, and sometimes I cant go any further.

Sometimes only happens sometimes though, even though sometimes it feels like forever.

November 20, 2010

doorway


i found god grafitti'd in a doorway...

November 19, 2010

A Real Person

MINE

i feel...

I feel trapped. I feel trapped in these times. I feel trapped in this country’s way of living.

I just want to be given an opportunity to prove myself. A way to show people that just because I didn’t graduate from college doesn’t mean I have no valuable skills. That just because I didn’t graduate from college doesn’t mean I don’t know how to think or learn.

That actually I should be a valued commodity for the fact that I have a more radical perspective on the world. I may not be able to do one specific thing at a masters degree level, but I can do 50 or 100 different things to the best of my ability. And I am always learning more along the way. I haven’t burned out my lust for learning and life. I did not allow school to use up the best of what I have inside me, which is my imagination and the unique perspective I have that I didn’t get from school or from following the rules all the time, but got from listening to myself and following my heart. ALL that stuff that people tell you is REALLY important in life…I got it down.

I have an amazing perspective on life.

Now…I just have to find a way to ‘make a [fucking] living’ off of it.

I don’t want another fucking ‘job’ though, I want to keep doing what ive been doing and strike out on my own and come up with some great new idea to help the world. god and I have good intentions too! How I can not be rewarded for having these qualitites…because they’re not quantitative? How do you measure imagination, honesty, trust, ambition, authenticity, etc? how do you put standards on such things…?

I think there’s a growing part of this world who can actually appreciate what I have to give. A small part. But right now I feel trapped in the big part of the world where the things I have cannot be truly appreciated, and I don’t want to hang around where im not appreciated, you get me?

And I know I can’t just wait around for my fairy godmother…so what the hell am I gonna do?...

Start a ‘homemade’ greeting card line and sell them to little stores.

Hah…I ‘want’ to write and make art. And have that be that. And then just live. I JUST WANT TO LIVE! I JUST WANT TO LIVE!

I cant be at a job that takes away my desire for living, I cant live in a way of life that I don’t want to live in. so GET ME OUT OF HERE! TAKE ME SOMEWHERE ELSE WHERE I CAN LIVE MY LIFE!

I don’t trust people who’ve never had to struggle in their life.

God I hate money. I wish I could live in a world where instead of giving someone money in order to get something from them, I could simply explain and convince them to the best of my abilities of why I need what they have and how by serving me they would be serving a ‘bigger than both of us’ cause and why it would overall be in their best interest. And if I they weren’t convinced for good reason, if they sensed ‘other’ intentions or that I wasn’t being totally honest with them, they wouldn’t give what they had that I needed to me. And this kind of exchange would promote openness, honesty, good intentions and communication. Among a bunch of other good character traits im sure… and whatever you didn’t want to or couldn’t get from someone you would do yourself, like grow your own food, make your own clothes, etc. it would build such an interconnected community, living that way, I think. And yeah obviously that’s not the ‘final draft’ plan of how that way of living would work out, don’t worry I know. But it’s an initial idea, and you cant do anything or change anything without an initial idea…so I got [what I feel is] the important part.

Now, who’s with me?! …anybody?

November 16, 2010

November 15, 2010

A Vision






incase it's hard for you to read my handwriting:


My Utopia

A place where people care
and they value Hard Work
& Honesty
& Dedication
& Meaning & Beauty

And enjoy simple fun and simply
Being together.

A place where we don't have to
leave Eachother
And we can stay together
and just be Children

And live out our fantasies
for Ourselves.

November 13, 2010

Appreciation is Truth


i feel like this sentiment has become the basis for my entire existence. i am here to appreciate as much of everything everysecondican. it's not that it's even an effort thing, or something i force myself to do, for it comes so naturally and feels so good. 

just to be mindful. 

making quiet notes to myself to tuck away in the back of my skull somewhere. notes about how nice the air smells right now, how comforting this sweater makes me feel inside and out, how the rain looks like a giant fog off onto the horizon and makes it feel like the whole world disappears after that. 

when i feel good, to notice and allow myself to feel as good as frickenpossible, and know why! and to be immensely thankful in that moment. (i will only ever feel as happy as i allow myself to feel. so i decided im going to allow myself to be happy...)

when i feel sad, to really allow myself to feel the depths of the sea of sorrow, because that's how i feel. and to turn those moments into moments of great lessons. and to be thankful for those lessons learned. 

whatever, whenever, wherever...

it's my choice, and i've chosen to be Happy, and this happiness has come through my Appreciation for this thing im living called life and E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G it has to offer me. 

now go contemplate a sphere, or a yin-yang...the dot of consciousness on the circle of life. draw a circle and look at it. no matter what you're feeling, you'll feel better i promise.

November 11, 2010

Noises



ok i think it's time for another video! wooo! yaaayy!!! haha...
i made this one because i think its one of the most horrible and amazing things
at the same time.
i made it to confront myself with how much i cant stand it!
(you'll see what im talking about when you watch it!)
but this one's really just all about having too much fun and being in the moment while you're having a good time.
ENJOY!!!

p.s. doesn't hurt to be 'under an influence' while watching it! lol

November 10, 2010

the moral's at the beginning, the rest is just because.


My apartment in Chelsea, new york, and spending vacations up at Houghton lake. Those were two things I was just thinking about missing from my past. But then I was thinking more about how whenever I remember those times, and really think about them, and how I felt when I was there…I go back there. I am there. And then I realize i don’t need to feel like I miss them so much, because I still have them with me whenever I need them. and that’s a very comforting feeling.

Earlier today, after I printed out my new resume and felt ‘accomplished’ for the day, I told myself I was going  to go for a walk outside, and I did, I went for a walk outside. On a beautiful Wednesday November 10th 2010 (now it’s 3:28pm) but it was earlier, obviously, around 1pm I think. I wore my big knit sweater cardigan thing from marc, my jeans with the huge knee holes, and flip flops. And just a plain grey shirt, with my amber necklace and my two different gauges with 2 silver studs and my regular silver glasses and my hair all unkept. That’s what I looked like and that’s what I felt like walking down the street.

At first when I left the building downstairs and got outside, I didn’t have any thought about where I was going to go, it all just kinda happened. Maybe it helped that I took a hit of my bowl before I walked out the door, but I felt very calm and laid back, at ease. Everything’s great, the world is totally fine, and im just enjoying myself in my own quiet way right now and whatever happens, happens and im gonna enjoy it for what it is. That’s what I felt like walking down the street.
Get this though too, I think it’s so funny ‘cliché’, but I was honestly carrying a copy of ‘catcher in the rye’ in my jeans back pocket too…how funnycute. But it was great. So I ended up walking straight down state street (north, from Delaware and state) till I got to oak, and walked all the way down across Michigan ave to oak street beach in downtown Chicago. Went I came up from under the underpass, I found a bench with the sun on my back and sat and looked around myself for a while. Just taking in all the people.
All the people bike riding, all the people walking, people running, two guys in sweats setting up a volleyball net, someone jogging on the shoreline mostly empty, some sort of tanker in the harbor, seagulls, and the sand by my feet on the concrete.

Just for a while. Then I opened my book and started to read, all of a sudden I thought of Courtney and how the other day, (she’d read some of my writing excersizes I sent her)  she told me I should write the next ‘catcher in the rye’ or something like that. And I thought that was cute and very nice to say. (that’s why I brought that book with me today) when I actually opened up that book and started to read it again, for the first time in about seven years(?) I was like, oh hey…this guy kinda does talk to himself in a similar way that I talk to myself, myself being myself and myself being this page right now im typing on, and I guess whomever may read it in the future. (I like to keep those sorts of thigns in mind(sometimes) while im writing.) I feel like it helps me be very clear about what im talking about (we’ve gone over this ‘clarity’ issue thing before…haha).

While I was reading the wind started to pick up and my knees were getting cold, so I turned on the bench and brought my knees up toward my chest and had my back to the wind. With my ‘thick’ sweater on, it was kinda nice. Kept reading for a while, laughing at a decent amount of the book to myself quietly, but out-loud. (literally ‘lol’, not just…) and when that was enough, I put my bookmark back in place (a picture of my family and I that looks like a band’s cd cover, so cute and 90’s) and sat for a little while longer and just enjoyed a bit of the remaining early november sun. I sat and thought to myself for a bit. then two women with their children came up form under the underpass, took their kids socks and shoes off, rolled up their jean pants, and let them run out onto the completely empty but for 3 other people beach already mostly in the shade from the buildings behind us. I enjoy watching kids run around (they looked about 6 or 7). early youth is so special. Then i walked back to my apartment in Chicago.

That simple afternoon ‘out-ing’ gave me so much joy. I was gone for about an hour. It felt like three. that’s a good ratio. 

November 9, 2010

Reach


everysinlgemotherfuckingthing that happens or that i do...happens in a splash moment, and then that moment ripples out. it reaches out into circumstance.

it reaches out into time. everything i do, doesn't only effect me here and now, it effects everything thereafter. consequences of the moment, and consequences in the following hours, day, week, month, year, restofmylife, restofforever.

this fact alone makes me want to pay more attention to what the hell it is im doing. or rather, not 'what' exactly im doing, but "why?"...

The "Best"Art"

November 7, 2010

i cant do everything myself.



if i or you or whomever has an idea to create something that they do not have the capabilities to create on their own or by their own means, because they simply dont have the power, or because what they want to create involves other people, people you cannot control... it is not the job of the other people to 'conform' to your ways of thinking, to go above and beyond to believe what you believe, rather your job is to take opportunities when people are OPEN to listening and use those times to persuade and convince them of your idea, thought, etc.

if i want to create a sort of 'better' world for the future out of the one we are living in right now, i must inspire others to the same vision of mine/a similar vision of their own, because i can't do everything myself, and im not the only person living on this planet.

November 4, 2010

the product of “Instinctive Analytical Thinking”

October 27th 2010 231pm home bedroom Michigan. 

the important things: (aka: my principals)

-awareness, because I cant do anything about what im unaware or unconscious of.
            (awareness of…etc. including(myself and my circumstances))
-intention
            (‘honest’ intention behind my actions, whatever they may be.)

-self discipline in striving for ‘better’ (the ability to dream (big!), freedom of imagination)/ acceptance and appreciation of things totally as they are. (including forgiveness for others and myself.)

-(pro)action, even if that includes and most especially (simply because I think its what people have the hardest time doing) taking non-action when it is ‘for the better’. 

-and respect for my environment and circumstances including all people and living things in it. using tact and consideration. empathy and understanding.

-bravery for living life up to your own standards and no one else’s. a set of priorities.

-gratefulness for existence, and moments of meditation; a connection with the numinous and a sense of ‘faith’.

-responsibility for my share. with humility and pride in all that i do and accomplish.

-focus on the present moment.



(Now I can take these principals I’ve ‘established’ for myself and apply them to create!)

October 18, 2010

my hope, that

... ...

Mundane


"Of this earthly world rather than a heavenly or spiritual one."

i thought this would be appropriate on a monday...i came to this word when i was working at a job, and just felt like i was really wasting my time there, it wasn't somewhere i thought was valuable to be. i thought there were so many better things i could be doing with my time. like enjoying myself, haha. but then, i dont know if it was the emerging "grown-up" in me or what, but i just kind of quietly accepted to myself, that where i was at that time, what i was doing was very mundane. and that was ok, because mundane activities are an integral part of human existence. most of the mundane activities we must do are done in order to keep us alive and going and moving forward. so i just started telling myself. "Mundane, So Be It!" 

i guess not everything can be accompanied by that 'crazy world astonishment marvelous' feeling, but that's ok! haha...

October 15, 2010

Be Good to Yourself


what you do unto others, you do unto yourself. the actions you consciously take towards anything 'outside' of yourself, you are also leaving the same impression upon your mind and your emotional 'well-being'. 

if you do something 'wrong' you 'know' is 'wrong', you feel badly about it and about yourself.
if you do something 'right' you 'know' is 'right' you feel good about yourself and what you have done.

October 14, 2010

I Am (not) Here.


best when also listening to radiohead - how to disappear completely

October 13, 2010

Branches

Plea.se

we must help eachother, we must help ourselves


if any of you guys think this blog is helping you in any way at all, please do share this with other people you think would appreciate it. if youre in the middle of a conversation and talking about something this blog relates to, just be like "oh, i have this site you should visit, i think you'd really like it, i do!" haha... we must help eachother.

October 10, 2010

I Need To

basically i don't think anyone is really walking around out there doing things they don't feel some personal need to be doing. whether its their own personal need driving their actions, or situational need placed upon them by others who hold power over them in some way or something like that. the point is i think im only doing what i feel i need to be doing, and i think you're only doing what you feel you need to be doing and i think it's good to try to understand that about other people's actions that i may not understand, they're doing it because they feel some need, similar to the same need i feel, to be doing it.

B'Morned


sooo i really wanted to upload this other video of mine from my tail end of risd, its all one 'continuous' shot. but the file was way too big or something, though i did spend an hour and a half uploading it to youtube. so i HIGHly suggest going to see it! and if you're gonna start watching it, you might as well finish watching it! thanks!

(and i suggest letting it load most all the way first before starting it, so as to not get interrupted! just a suggestion)


October 9, 2010

this is something i really felt when i was writing it.

So I didn’t just smoke weed…and im really blazed off my ass. I also have a bad neck ache. One sec lemme find a situation that feels better for me.

Imagined pain is just as real as pain that’s actually there.

And honestly it doesn’t matter if half the shit I write is 1000% cohesive as long as im writing it with the honest intention of feeling at the time. Tahts the important part.

Something you write I feel is generally as a rule ‘thought-out’. Its something your making a conscious decided thought to do. So generally its very important for me to make myself 1000% clear to others when im communicating. That really hard part though is conveying in 1000% clarity the DEPTH OF MEANING im trying also to convey with my words; the FULLNESS OF SCOPE of the concepts im talking about. But those are all subjective things I suppose and is left completely up to the person(s) who are witnessing your expressions and making their own associations and meanings to what your saying.

Im waiting for outkast to load on youtube. Hey ya baby! Lol…

No but ok so I just found on this guys facebook page randomly, he had a quote:

“All sciences are now under the obligation to prepare the ground for the future task of the philosopher which is to solve the problem of value, to determine the hierarchy of values.”

And I just thought that quote was very grabbing to me, because I both completely agree with it and think that determining the hierarchy of values Is kind of what im working on, what im about and doing, and at the same time know (or think I know, but believe I know so either way…) that values are completely subjective and thus this can never be an established “law” for the masses to regulate themselves by.

Ok so the internet was like taking forever to load to im just settling to listening to this cover of hey ya by Obadiah parker…haha

Oh and I think ive decided that this is the way I like to write…this is my most likeable agreeable easy flowing way of writing. That’s why im choosing to write this way. Because yesterday and the few days before, after I saw HOWL about allen ginsberg I was really inspired by that, and I didn’t really consciously notice (even though I did notice) that I then was trying to write in a similar way and was making ideas up about how I would want to be “that” kind of a writer and have my life be similar to his in those good ways that I admired about that guy… sorta thing. And so I got my typewriter out and was trying to do these more blatant and “in your face” sort of writings and while I kinda actually like some of it and know its valid in its own sense, it still felt like I was “trying” too hard and it became difficult for me to write like that. This on the other hand, is much more enjoyable for me. So I think im gonna try and stick to this more. Because its what feels right. Actually it doesn’t just feel “right/write” it feels good too. I feel fulfilled in a sense in this way. One sentence I did write though was I think yesterday or the day before (today being Friday October 8th 2010 at 1042 pm apt 29b Chicago) was this sentence: (I think for some reason it funny to “get to that point where you’re quoting your own work”) ,ß that wasn’t the sentencem and that was weird when that arrow just poped up! Lol. Interesting that “word” automatically makes a more accurate representation of what I was “meaning” to do by putting this < . But so the sentence was (lol I am high!) …::

“know then that it is true what I say that one day I will become the manifestation of that which I already am.”

I like that quote (of mine, lol) because I think it’s all about “being yourself” and especially “being true to yourself”

I like in that bukowski thing I half watched yesterday he talked about how he knew his writing was good or something because it wasn’t something he wanted his parents to read. (or something along the lines of that effect, but im sure that wasn’t exactly what he said) and I think that’s also how I know that this way of writing for me is good in whatever way I feel its good because its not necessarily something I would want my parents to read, even though I really wouldn’t mind either way because I love sharing my true honest self with everyone and I do see no reason to hide anything I feel from anyone. (but I do believe in being polite and respectful of course! Haha) watching bukowski last night also I realized kinda how I am nice. Lol. Because I had that same ginsberg kinda feeling in a way in that I liked his writing and his style, but im just soooo nott blunt and crude and alcoholic and dirty as he was, neither am I as sexual(ly repressed) as ginsberg and therefore feel no need to say “cock” all over the place. Lol. But im just kinda nice…(I think) and I think that’s ok too! I don’t necessarily want my ‘work’ to be so entrenched in my ‘personality’. Even though I know it should be somewhat difficult to separate the two concepts from eachother anyways.

Yeah this feels good. And that was what bukowski was talking about. For him the act of writing was very easy and a pleasnt thing to do. To write his thoughts and feelings down. And they also asked him when he started to think of himself as a ‘writer’ and he gave some memory from when he was like 15 or something, and it just got me thinking too about what I think I am. And if I think of myself as a writer right now, how long have I considered myself a writer and then just all about my history with writing my thoughts down starting I guess in 1995 when I got that purple kitten diary with the gold lock, (lol...i love me as a kid)

I love readhing my old shit too because I like how it can just bring me right back to that state of mind that I was in. I feel like the act of reading your own work is the best for you and only you because youre the only one who can really know what you mean when you wrote it. What you really felt. What im really feeling right now. (even though that wont be so true anymore when you look back because you can never really really really technically be the same at any other time again. Etc. blah blah blah.) haha I felt like vonnegut just now with the “etc.” thing. Lol.

I think im really like stupid cute dorky too. Like with my “haha I felt like Vonnegut just now” thing. Lol. (ß really?! Did I just laugh out loud? No I didn’t not! (but I did laugh inside!))

Whether im a fucking “Writer” with a capitol “w” or not, im still –A Person Who ‘Writes.’

I think its harder to admit who you are truly to yourself than it is to admit who you really are to other people. …(maybe; as in I just felt it for an instant I didn’t really think that thoroughly out, and that’s what I mean by I don’t have to be 1000% clear with what im writing all the time. I can take it easier on myself and just be fine with knowing that the intention I was writing it with was true.)

October 8, 2010

Wall

I Just Haven't

i made this page maybe about 2 months ago. it was a time for me where i was thinking a lot just about the way i was living my life, the things it consisted of, the people, the places, the activities, etc. i had come to the decision that things needed to change, but at that time i was just not ready to let everything go, i was still too afraid, too worried about what might happen, too worried about the 'lack of security' feeling that times of change bring. but the feeling of knowing what was best for me and not taking steps to make that happen left me with a feeling of personal shame.

today im happy to say that i've done what i really felt i knew i needed to do and it really wasn't that scary, but exciting. and making the decision to actually DO what you feel you need to, no matter how scary it can appear to be, really is one of the easiest things to do, because it FEELS SO RIGHT once you actually get the ball rolling.

October 7, 2010

A Grateful Amen

Lord, let me never tag a moral to a tale,
nor tell a story without a meaning.
Make me respect my material
so much that i dare not slight my work.

Help me to deal very honestly with words
and with people, for they are both alive.
Show me that as in a river, so in a
writing, clearness is the best quality, and
a little that is pure is worth more than
much that is mixed.
Teach me to see the local color without
being blind to the inner light.
Give me an ideal that will stand the
strain of weaving into human stuff on the
loom the the real.
Keep me from caring more for books
than for folks, for art than for life.
Steady me to do the full stint of work as
well as i can; and when that is done,
stop me; pay what wages Thou wilt, and
help me to say, from a quiet heart, a
grateful Amen. - Henry van Dyke.

October 2, 2010

...what's enduring

I Have to be Honest...

ok so ive only been doing this blog-thing for about a month, not even, but i just have to say that im really starting to enjoy this process...

for me it's all about the 'moments' and the feelings i get in those moments. i try never to write for the sake of writing unless im completely wrapped up in my thoughts and emotions at the time. to make sure im in a place where i can convey them as honestly as i feel them, and as openly, because i really see no reason to hide them and not to share them. what's the purpose of having something if you're not also going to share it with someone else.

so this process of having certain 'moments' alone with myself, noticing those moments and appreciating them as they are in the moment, and then marking my immediate impression of that moment in some concrete way that i can later share it with others so that they might be able to get to taste it in their own way, what that original moment was like for me.
(btw if you dont like run-on sentences, you shouldn't read jack kerouac, or this last paragraph.)

but either way i just wanted to show my gratitude to the universe for providing me with such an outlet that seems to purposefully fit into the way we are all currently living our lives in these times. and having not felt a sort of purpose to create for a while now because of having no seemingly worthwhile public outlet for my expressions, it's nice to feel that i have my own little creation again that i can work on and have it kinda mean something to me, in its own way of course...

and honestly i really hope you guys can enjoy this in your own ways and if you feel 'daring' enough to really question yourself and find out how you honestly 'react' to these 'moments' im sharing with you. i don't think a lot of people really allow themselves to stop and 'feel' that much anymore. maybe im wrong...?

The Creation of Change

September 29, 2010

September 28, 2010

Drawing Class

charcoal 18x24" from the good ol' risd days.

September 26, 2010

September 22, 2010

September 17, 2010

My little piece of Heaven

Heaven is a place on Earth. it's a place you make, it's a state of Mind. Where Spirit meets Matter.

As a...

what does the universe, the world, the country, the state, the city, and any-body look to me as? what is my 'role' from their perspective and after i become aware of what that might be, how do i reach a conscious compromise of who i am and what im doing between myself and the universe. (whether i could really call it a compromise or not.)

September 16, 2010

Incorporate

incorporate: to embody, to combine into one body or uniform substance, to take in something as part of a whole. to allow that which is 'outside' of me, a place to be accepted 'within' me, as is. to allow that which is outside of me to mix and melt with that which is inside of me. not to allow my 'ego-self' to block out any part of what my existence entails. awareness of what is outside of me and what effect it does have on what is inside me.